I chewed off the nails on my right hand that had been longer than the left ones while I was talking to him tonight. He's still having problems with her.

Constantly.

My heart is racing from listening to this song.

I never say the things I want to because I don't want to hurt him with my opinions. He loves her too goddamned much for his own good. I want him to be free of her.

But I'll never tell him that.

My head is spinning from hearing him whimpering, almost in tears.

I could never grow tired of being there for him, but I'm growing ever weary of how she hurts him, and how he tries to justify her actions by saying he's hurt her too. How he;s not good enough for her because she says so, because she says he didn't have to be the one she chose.

I just wanna slap her.

My stomach is churning from knowing he's going to see her.

I'll never say anything but comforting words. Anything else will worsen the dilemma. I worry about the next tricks she's going to pull. And I worry what will happen if he leaves her now. It seems like she won't leave him. But I know why. She wants a toy to play with. She wants to manipulate him so he feels pity and guilt. She needs to be in control of him because she's not in control of herself, and neither is he with himself.

But these things I'll keep secret. At least most of them.

My heart is aching because I'm breaking my promise to myself.

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I feel the need to vomit. But it's not quite coming. It's not the acid like last time. but it's there.